Ooh hang on, I get to do that every day!! What am I thinking? How could I ever forget the feeling of my time now being completely my own? Every day?
Every day I get up, talk to the kids till they leave for work, then the rest of my day is mine to do as I wish.. Hours and hours of time to fill full of me stuff... Am I the only person out there that finds that bloody difficult?
The kids have grown, and almost all left home. Hugo works away from home. All day every day my time is mine.
No footy training, or ballet lessons, or chess club to ferry between. No day care, kindy, preschool, state school pick ups and drop offs. Nothing to do for anyone else but me..
Weirdly, I now find myself being so much less productive, because I now have all the time in the world. My hair dresser appointments are less frequent, my nails no longer shellacked once a fortnight, let's just say the waxing lady doesn't go on holidays with my funds anymore either..
I find myself now lost between my iPad, my iPhone and my laptop. I find my books to read pile ever increasing, my blogs to read and video blogs to watch list is growing rapidly.
Remember the good ole days when you wanted to learn something, you went to TAFE or UNI? Two choices. Plain and simple. Easy. Now? I'm finding myself being so bombarded with information from every angle of my life, it's hard to stay on top of it.
When I exercise, I use an app to track steps and calories burnt. When I read, it's usually on my IPad via the Borrowbox app, I find myself 'checking in' out for coffee with my friends, logging my food and exercise into My Fitness Pal.
I write for a living, and of course it's all done electronically. Even my sleep gets tracked via my Fitbit. It's like I've accidentally given up the real world and fallen into a virtual lifestyle instead..
This shit has gotta stop.
So, I've spent the last few weeks being gently shaken to the beginning of a new life. A new me.
I've spent umpteen hours thinking about who I am, now my kids have left 'the nest', about what I can do with all the time I have up my sleeve now. Now that I can be who ever I wish, do whatever I wish... Become whoever I want. Reinvent myself from mother, wife, book keeper, safety officer, taxi driver.
But who is it? Who the hell do I even want to be, now the choices are all mine?
What makes me happy? What feeds my internal flame of passion? What do I feel like I am here to do? What makes my heart sing?
Helping people. Making people feel like somebody special. Smiling, laughing, sharing great times with old friends, meeting new ones.
Buying less and doing more.
Loving, learning, living.
I have but one wish for you all, that you too find your inner fire, your inner voice, your passion for life.
And you get to have the opportunity to live it.
Sometimes, every one of us needs to go away somewhere quiet and simply, BE.