Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Who the hell am I anyway?

Today I'm struggling.. Really struggling.

Seems. I've lost my sense of purpose.

Once upon a time I used to be the mother of 5 kids, or the person who ran that shutdown team, or that bitch of a safety officer from GCM..but, I was always "someone". maybe it was just the fat lady that helped out the senior cits on Thursday... but i had a reason to be alive, a purpose.

Today, I felt like a nobody.

I walked into coffee shops and it took them 15 minutes to see me standing there, I roamed listlessly through the house trying to find things to amuse myself during the day. I watch on whilst Hugo came home from a days work, to set up his computer and do all the things that I could have done...but wasn't asked to.

I waited till this afternoon to go to boot camp then miss my chance because Hugo is busy doing something else. I'm bored, I'm cranky and I'm lonely.

And that, may I tell you, is a very dangerous situation for me.

It is in situations like this that I make life changing decisions. Some smart, some not so..

In the past, it usually signals a time for me to walk away, look elsewhere, wander off in search of things to keep me learning, reaching, extending myself to bigger or better things.... Or not. 

Sometimes in situations like this, I have made choices that I came to regret.. Like over eating out of boredom. 

I need something to think about, to plan, to work on. 

Hence my creation of a new website today.. Yep, I got that bored that I made a website. All by myself. Yep, amazing huh? Even I'm surprised. 

I'm just finishing the final touches in the coming weeks, getting my checkout and online shop sorted, before it goes live... LOOK OUT WORLD, I'M COMING!

Very soon, you will be able to buy SYMMYA tshirts, and take selfies, wearing them for me to upload, and all kinds of exciting things.. I bet you can't wait? Lol..

I started the day directionless, sad and felling lost... And ended with a seething anger, channelled into determination to succeed.. At everything.

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