I couldn't get comfortable, I wandered about all night dragging a pillow to use to protect my stomach from coughing, feeling like Linus with his blankie.
It's times like this that the dark thoughts creep in, why on earth did I let myself get to a point where surgical intervention was my only option? I sat in a chair, leant over the kitchen bench, sat on the side of the bed, and eventually through sheer exhaustion, made myself a nest of pillows against the window and slept sitting upright.
I am angry at myself for not being further advanced. Hugo goes back to work in a day or two and I am still needing help to get out of bed! I will be here on my own, Thursday, Friday, Saturday now, as the kids are taking part in the Relay for Life this weekend, and I am actually very nervous about being here alone. I have to get moving. I have to be more independent by then. I have 3 days to create a marked improvement.
Overall, I had a very black day, I was pessimistic, grumpy and just pissed off with everything. I had read that there is such a thing as post surgery depression, if this is it, it better not hang around, I've not the time for dealing with it.
I made a batch of choc muffins for the kids for afternoon tea, as a small gesture of thanks for their help in the last few days. I can't stand long enough to make them from scratch, so White Wings packet mix it was.
I had also offered to find 10 helpers for a Rainbow House Event, but I haven't had a clear enough head to deal with this, so Cate has been rallying the kids at school to ensure that Rainbow House are well looked after this weekend.
Went to bed soon after dinner, as I was wilted.. Drained physically and emotionally.
On Day 8, I awoke feeling much better. I slept really well sitting upright in my nest, I was able to get out of bed twice on my own, and not once did my belly button feel like the launch of Apollo 13! I decided I was going to shower, and get dressed into nice clothes, go to the local cafe for a coffee this morning. Just to get out of the house. Hugo was more than happy to take time out of his work schedule for this.
I weighed myself again this morning, more fluid gain, which is what I was expecting really, my thighs and tummy are enormous. Bruising is coming out and making gorgeous technicolor splashes across my back and tummy. I actually looked at myself in the mirror this morning. I'm not thin, or flat, or smooth, and I would be horribly disappointed if this is the way it all stays, but at least I have no flabby overhang anymore. The surgeon had to make a big incision from my belly button to my scar, to cut out more skin, as there was just so much, he wanted to ensure that he did all he could to make sure it was flat. It's a long red ugly unexpected line that hurts more than the circumferential incision.
I had a shower this morning, and it was fantastic. Even just to be able to soothe all the itchy spots, to give all the skin a hard rub with a washer, felt great. My incisions are tingling, which apparently means the nerve endings are starting to heal, so thats good news. Hugo dried my incision tape with the hair dryer and seems to think that all is looking pretty good, no red angry patches today. Couple of photos today to record the end of a very long week.